I have 103 unread text messages

Hello, I have been gone for a while. I didn’t even read my last post to know where I left off. There just isn’t enough time.

Time is what I am struggling with the most. I am not struggling in a stressful way. Of course there is stress, because everything is stressful, whether it be good stress or bad stress.

However, when I say I am behind on my messages, I am behind.

I am looking at my phone now, I have 103 unread text messages.

For all of you waiting for an answer, I am not ignoring you. These 103 unread messages do not include the 300 that I answered today. I had to prioritize.

It does not count the phone calls that I answered, the emails I returned, the staff that I counseled, the crisis that I deescalated, the relationships that I fostered, the continuous improvement that was addressed, the conversations that I had, the decisions that I made, or the information that I processed.

We all work hard. We all have busy days. We all sometimes struggle to keep up.

Within those 103 unread messages and the thousand emails that I received; some may get lost in the shuffle. Again, it is not malicious.

Today I returned a phone call from December 7th. She was grateful and the conversation was meaningful, it was just 9 days later.

It is 8:36 on a Friday night and I just got done working on some things that I was behind on.

Sometimes, in all this chaos, people get mad at me because I don’t respond. I am doing my best.

I recently read “Dare to Lead”, by Brene Brown and in it she discusses how she operates on the assumption that everyone is doing their best.

Do I believe that I am doing my best? I don’t know, but I know that I am doing all that I can each and every day.

There is no way anyone can understand how much another person does at their job. I get to delegate a lot, but that still leaves me with more than I can accomplish in one day.

I understand that it is hard for others to understand.

In the midst of all of this, my work-life balance fell way off track.

I, again, stopped doing all of my self-care activities.

When I say all, I mean, all.

I struggle to not be resentful and say things that are in attempt to provoke guilt.

I also struggle to be mindful of my tone and anger, when speaking to someone I know that does not understand my lack of balance.

I also have to remember that it is not anyone else’s job to understand. What I would like is some compassion.

Is it rude for me to ask for compassion?

Maybe.

I think we should always give everyone compassion and understanding. I have been told that I am weird though.

It is now 9:04 and I am still getting work messages.

I work in a 24-hour facility. There are issues, questions, and concerns 24 hours.

I have discussed just work, but there is a lot that happens at home. In the last 6 weeks, my cat swallowed a nerf bullet, my dog had a hernia repaired, one of my puppies passed away, one puppy was passing straight blood, one had his stomach done so we don’t lose him, only to open his incision- have his intestines fall out- have emergency surgery and is now whining all over my house. That does not include my car catching on fire, the RV issues, and my husband being off work all week.

The last 6 weeks! We won’t even talk about the monetary impact of all of this.

I have had a birthday, an anniversary, and it is almost Christmas in this time span as well.

We all struggle at some point, so I have 103 unread messages.

I have 103 unread messages.